Laying, lying & all that nonsense

I’ve been in the hospital lately.  Never mind why.  It’s too boring and I’m getting out soon. I mention it because of something I’ve noticed here having to do with the difference between lay and lie and how few people seem to know when to use which one.

Most patients in this hospital, as in all others, are lying down.  But as far as hospital staff—and that’s practically all of them, from physicians to room attendants --  are concerned, patients  are not lying down; they are laying down. And if the patients are asked to move (e.g. to lie in a different position) they are not asked to “lie on your left side,” they are asked  to “lay” in one position or another, often here with some term of endearment, as in “Lay on your left side for me, willya please, hon.”

I joked with a  nurse one morning about this epidemic of bad grammar. She smiled and said, “Oh yeah, I learned about that in sixth grade, but I forget the rule.”  We chuckled together, I with some relief that she did not ask me to remind her what exactly the rule is. Then she said she had to go as the emergency room was taking in new patients at a rate of one every ten minutes thanks to the awful heat wave smothering Maryland.   It occurred to me then that under the circumstances if the caregiver tells the patient to lay down and the patient understands enough to lie down, who cares about the rule?

But after a week here it also occurs to me that “lie” is reserved for another far-too-frequent  use entirely:

Patient:  “But the doctor told me I would leave today.”

Nurse: “He lied, hon.”